What is it, that you want, I ask you.
But silence is all that I hear.
Why these daily battles, I ask you.
Again silence echoes, wrapped in fear.
Evergreen anxiety, is it? I ask you.
You laugh at me and throw another show.
Teaching me lessons I never asked to learn,
it’s the companion following me like a shadow.
Borderline undiagnosed disorder, is it? I ask you.
You nod, as I sit and arrange everything in perfect order.
The rituals of planning and the hunger for control
have become my sanctuary, my prison and my confining borders.
Unresolved grief is it? I ask you.
You smile, as memories and flashbacks - all good & bad
Crash over me, drowning me in pain and sorrow
And I’m left knowing I lost what I had.
What is it, O life that you really want?
To see me drowning in tears all day?
Or to see my fears keeping me at bay?
What is it, I ask you.
Each day is an insurmountable mountain
And each step, weighted with shadows of doubt.
Nobody holds the chains that bind me, I know
It’s me, so to you, I’m reaching out.
I have my share of dreams to see,
A path ahead that feels so near
But every step is stopped midway,
by overwhelming emotions, and gripping fear.
What is it that you demand, O life?
To drown me in sorrow, or to teach me to fight?
Break these chains for once, I plead
For I long to see a dawn, beyond this endless night.