Devoid

When I was little, I feared your gaze,
In my growing years, I hated your ways.
I thought you were trying to make me an engineer
So I’d cry “I don’t understand this, nor do I care”
But now, when I’ve actually grown up, to my surprise -
I miss your presence more, with every sunrise.

How could 20 years be all that you’d allow
To understand you, your “whys” & “hows”?
How could you not prepare our hearts
When you prepared us for our time apart?
How could you leave us without a hint
With grief, sorrow & pain’s imprints?

Had I known your days were few,
I’d follow you everywhere & through
Listening to your scoldings and soaking in all the care
I’d never blame life for not giving me chance that fair
I’d learn finance from you & promise to study well
And show you my blog and the stories I’d tell.

Now that we need you, you’re not around
And that is grief, sorrow and pain unbound.

Where do I seek shelter on days I can’t stand,
Who will listen and guide with a caring hand?
Who will walk me through my darkest nights,
And scold me roughly back to light?
A pain that often strikes people in their midlife
Why did it come so early to me & my brother, so amplified?

When will this pain find its end?
When will our broken hearts mend?
In these dark deep shadows, we’re devoid
of your love, the greatest of all.
For the sake of the affection that I will always long
I will forever hide my pain and walk strong.